I wonder..

Sometimes, well actually a lot recently, I have been wondering what you would’ve done if the role had been reversed. What if I had cheated on you not you cheating on me. What if I cheated on you. What would you do? Would you have the same amount of forgiveness that I did and still do? Or instead would you have given up on me? I can see the guilt in you but do you know what else I see? The other girl. I know what she looks like. I have seen her face. Hell I have even talked to her before. I wonder, if you knew that I had kiss another boy, would you be able to kiss me again? Would you be able to stomach the idea that someone else got to enjoy my romantic company? I wonder. Would you be understanding enough to tell me we could work it out and get through it? Then I wonder if I was the one who cheated and you forgave me if I would try to make it up to you on a consistent basis. Or if instead I would turn into what you turned into. A untrusting jerk who can’t figure out how to manage a relationship. I know that seems harsh, but you know, I gave you no reason not to trust me, you cheated on me, gave me all the reason to not trust you, yet I still am so naive that I actually do. I trust you, and a lot of the time I feel so stupid for doing so. I wonder if you really understand the pain that you put me through. I wonder if you will ever really feel sorry for what you did. I wonder if you will ever make it up to me. But since I don’t know, all I am stuck with is wondering.


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