I love you.

I have been writing a lot about love lately. Love is a crazy thing but I intend to hold onto the love that I have.

Last night, hands down was the best night of my life.

Keegan is gentle and loves the little things or so he says. Last night we went over to his friends house to convene at a common ground. After we fed ourselves and watched a few episodes of the office we were brutally scared by his friends fathers attempt to be funny. He was rip roaring drunk and usually these little outburst are comical. Last night though there was a new kid over that Ryder had brought along. He probably won’t ever be joining us again and so it might just be smart to not mention his name. Anyway, we were over at Cameron’s house and his father is really big into elk hunting witch means a lot of big guns. I can assume you can already imagine where this is going with a crazy drunk and a lot of shotguns just lying around the house. The new kid was sitting on the couch when Cameron’s dad came down, just minding his own business. Cameron’s dad casually came and sat down and struck up a drunken football related conversation with Isaiah, then continued on to ask the new kid something and when his answer wasn’t to his liking, he jumped up and grabbed a gun.

When you’re drunk, I don’t think that there is much of a filter to determine what is right from what is wrong. I think maybe he thought that is was supposed to be funny pointing a barrel between this kids eyes. Maybe he thought it was funny but Keegan sure as hell didn’t. He practically threw me over his back to remove me from the situation. He protected me in a way I had always dreamed someone would. He was even hesitant to let me return even after the situation was resolved and Cameron’s dad had gone upstairs.

As soon as we came back out, Keegan became very eager to leave which we did within the next few minutes. Cameron’s house is about a block and a half away from mine, so Keegan and I fled there, the nearest, safest place we could think of. After going through a little stunt like that, we decided to just decompress and watch a movie. Neither of us was very focused on the movie, which always easily become our favorite part of the night. When our attention shifts to each other, everything else gets tuned out and nothing else matters. After a while, we just layed there talking about what was on each others minds. We would fight about how one of us liked the other more, never saying the three words we so desperately wanted to hear.

At about 12:15 it was about time for him to go. ‘I love you’ was so close I could taste the sweet words on my tongue. We got up and went out to his car where he gave me one last kiss, shivering from what I thought to be the cold.

After he left, I almost felt disappointed knowing that it should’ve just come out because I know we could both feel it. I was about to go upstairs to change when I heard my phone vibrating at me feet, more than once, meaning someone was calling me. I hadn’t really paid much attention to it all night so I figured it was my mom checking in or one of my friends maybe. I was really surprised to see Keegan’s name when I picked it up, still getting butterflies every time I see his name. I composed myself a little bit and answered the phone.

Hello? I probably sounded high or something from being so tired.

Um hi Nic. I uh am sorry to call you but I need to say something.

Is everything alright? You don’t sound to good. That was completely true too. He sounded almost panicked.

I am kind of freaking out right now. I’m so nervous I can’t hold this in any longer. He was almost scaring me, like something had happened to him within the ten minutes since he had left my house.

What’s going on? Did something happen?

No I just.. do you remember tonight when you said you liked me a lot a lot a lot?

I was starting to understand where this was going and began to panic a little myself but quickly answered yes why do you ask?

Well I feel the same way. I like you a lot a lot a lot too but I think its more than that Nic. I think my feelings are more than like. Now pause for his long dramatic, agonizing silence. I think I love you.

Tears streamed down my face because that’s all I could do to not scream. Oh my gosh. I love you too Keegan.

After that, he lost it. He rambled on for a while, while I just sat on the other side, laughing and crying in disbelief. After a while I stopped him and said, are you okay?

Yes. I just told you I loved you, I am so much more than okay. My heart literally jumped out of my chest and there wasn’t anything for me to do except sit there, thank him, and smile.


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