There are many things in life that all of us want. That shiny new car, a beautiful house, lots of money. All I really want though is my happy ever after. Truthfully it seems being happy and sharing it with someone else is the only thing that could really matter in this world. There are certain things that I need and not just want to. I think we are created to need that other person who completes our soul. It’s a matter of opinion I guess but happy ever after just seems like a natural thing to have. We all crave it so why don’t we just accept the fact that love is inevitable.
Keegan and I were on the rise and had been for a while. Saying ‘I love you’ felt so close but I just couldn’t tell when was the right time to say it and I still can’t tell honestly. I do love him and I won’t deny it just maybe to him. Once those words came out of our mouths, everything was going to have to change.
I remember the first time I told someone I loved them. I was really young, too young and it really didn’t change anything except for feelings were shared. The second time I said it was out of guilt. He said it first and I didn’t feel it but somehow still managed to say it not wanting my response to be the all too embarrassing ‘thank you.’ I think with Keegan I am too scared of the ‘thank you’ or ‘how sweet’ response that I don’t want to say it. Maybe it just the traditional side of me, thinking the boy should be the one to say it first. That’s how I grew up. Thinking the boy should say it because when they say it, you really know it’s real.
Maybe I am scared of it being real though too. Maybe I am not ready to dive into something like that knowing what the expectation is with those words. How can three words, eight letters, and three syllables mean so much? Even though I feel it, am I ready to say it?