Separation.

When I look into his eyes, I can see everything. My own eyes, love, friendship, heartache, a beautiful soul. Everything makes sense when I look into his muddy brown and beautiful eyes. I catch that little glimpse of heaven I have been searching for my entire life. I believe there are such things as soul mates. I look for mine everyday. I believe there is some connection between you and some other person. Its like you were originally one person but you were separated before you were born so that you could spend your life longing for that person and searching for that person until you found them. Then you were blessed with spending every moment with them. It’s like one soul split between two bodies that must search to find each other to complete their soul again.

Love is a four letter word that is synonymous with so many other words. Compassion, want, honesty, friendship, character, cherish, hope. I can imagine what love feels like because I think I know what love feels like. Its like the first time you jump into the pool at the beginning of summer, or the warming feeling of the fire after playing out in the snow all day. Its like feeling accomplished and satisfied, you know there is nothing more in the world that you will ever need. Love is an amazing feeling. There isn’t one that can match it.

I had always hoped that one day some one could love me. I had hoped it was Logan in the beginning, and I had hoped it would be other nameless boys along the way. It wasn’t until Keegan I knew I wanted and needed it to be him. Keegan was the first person to really see me and understand everything about me. He mad me feel like I was the only thing that mattered in the entire world. It was always me first and only me.

I love Keegan. I know I love Keegan. There is no other person on this Earth that I feel the same way about. Its more than just the butterflies of a crush or the nervousness of a first kiss. It’s the lingering feeling of butterflies, it never goes away. It’s comfort without sloppiness. It’s the light in his eyes every time I see them. It’s the seasons changing and the feeling staying the same. No amount of time away from each other can separate the connection. The bond of more than just friendship. The physical, emotional, mental bond between the two. One soul separated into two bodies.

There are so many things I love about Keegan. From his laugh, to his smile, to his skeptical smirk of enjoyment. The depth of his maturity, and the ability to still be rambunctious. Calling me a princess and reassuring me that I am his and no one else’s. The simple joys of his jokes and his incessant attempts at making me laugh harder than I ever had before. It’s the gentleness of his touch and the ability to know how much is too much.

I am also scared though. He goes to college in less than a year. A year is not a long time. In the grand scheme of things I only have one year left with my first love. Everything is going to change when summer comes around because Keegan will no longer be around. I sometimes think of what might happen but soon stop myself in fear of what will happen. I try as hard as I can to focus on the now and focus on today. It’s hard though. There is nothing worse than knowing how far away he is going to be.  

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