Eyes Wide Shut

Now that Keegan and I had made mouth to mouth contact, I want to make it clear, I think I was blinded by my emotions. My eyes were wide shut. When you’re in a relationship, all you can think about is the other person. All you want to do is be with that person, even though you have no knowledge of what the outcome of your time together will be. He was a very loving person, and still is a loving person, he was just very private. We acted almost like we didn’t know each other in public, but we were never more than two inches apart when we were alone. I didn’t think much of the secretive nature of the relationship, maybe just a little jealousy due to the fact we never once touched each other in public. He was always a flirtatious person but to my later realization, I wasn’t the only one he was flirting with. Before me, he had girlfriends to make himself feel better and fill the void in his life that he was so brutally suffering from, lacking the stable father figure a normal teenage boy has. I believed he loved me and I think he did. I sure loved him. Going through the months we spent together, I remember the movies we went to together, the baseball games, prom night. My corsage from five months ago, still smells amazing and just like him. I remember him giving me a sweatshirt in the middle of summer while he was away so I could sail away into my dreams, surrounded by his scent each night. I knew nothing bad was going to happen as long as I was with him. That night he gave me his sweatshirt, was one of the most memorable nights for me. This was the first time he showed the slightest bit of public affection. Of course all of his friends knew we were together. I believe that was probably what led him to kiss me that night and swaddle me in his arms. We were at his friend Isaiah’s house. Isaiah had many brothers and sisters, to say the least, it was a gargantuan family. It was later in the evening and we drove over in his friends truck bed, howling in the wind like wild dogs, enjoying the nights tempo. It soon settled down when we sat on Isaiah’s back porch with many of his other friends along with their girlfriends. Nevaeh was there too. It was a simply gesture, but it was the first time we had ever held hands in front of other people and the first time we had ever kissed in front of everyone. To be completely honest, I don’t like when couples are all over each other in front of other people, but when you hold their hand or kiss them on the forehead or simply on the lips, it is the most amazing gesture in the world to me. It’s like taking ownership of your other half. ‘She’s mine, and none of you can have her.’ I don’t know if eyes wide shut is even the right title for this entry because that night and many other nights after that, I knew both our eyes were wide open.

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