What’s next?

Do you ever feel useless? Unwanted? I know how you feel. This hasn’t been easy for me the past few weeks. Getting back together with my ex was pretty much the stupidest thing I have ever done. I feel stupid almost or like I had a blindfold on throughout our entire relationship. It was so full of lies and after, it all seems like it was done on purpose just to hurt me. To crush me actually. He drove a dagger through my heart and enjoyed doing it. Catching him in the middle of his lies was fun while it lasted but then I just started to pity myself for letting myself go through that. Lie after lie after lie. You would think I would see it. Right now I am in a VERY weird place. I feel like dirt or less than it from the goings on of my previous relationship but now, after being broken up for a month might I add, I have a crush. You know that feeling you have when you like someone. Genuinely like someone too. It’s all butterflies and jitters. But the sucky thing is, I am also overly protective of my heart right now because I never want to hurt like I did before. I wouldn’t wish any of it upon my worst enemy. I am incredibly vulnerable right now and I am not exactly sure how to deal with it. It’s the feeling of not wanting to move on or not knowing how you will ever move on, but I am hoping this little crush will change things. He’s a great friend. I feel comfortable around him and not on edge all the time. I also don’t feel like I am being controlled like I did last time. We will see if it goes somewhere. To me hes Long Dong Silver, because apparently according to him that is one of the most popular male stripper names out there. To him I am just Sugar. He could be good for me. In other news, the back to school dance or as I like to think the biggest grindfest in the history of ever, is coming up tomorrow. Dance with some cute boys, see where the night takes you. It should be fun. Tomorrow I start treatment too. My scoliosis is getting worse and almost unbearable. Let me tell you, this is the scariest shit I have ever seen. I am so nervous for this, pray for me phuleese and thank you. Alright my lovelies. What’s next?

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