Hiya.

Well hello everyone,

I don’t know if there is anyone that still follows this or if it is even considered and active site anymore. Either way, I was thinking about you all tonight and I thought why not. Why not get on there an spill personal details of my life so that everyone and no one can see. It has been a very long time since I have posted on here and get ready for it, a lot has changed. I moved back home, my parents are building a house, I have a bigger and better job, and I am almost done with school. Seems like yesterday I started this blog when I was in high school so that I could secretly post all of these stories that I wanted to remember, and keep a diary on here as to never forget.

My characters were such a part of me, because they were my friends and the people I love. I miss a lot of them. Not the characters, the real people. There are so many of them that have kind of vanished from my life. I wish that things weren’t like that. It sucks to not be able to go to those people whenever you need or whenever they need. Like Nova. Man I think I miss her the most. My heart breaks quite often, I wish that things could change.

Thats life though. We rarely get what we want, and half the time, its out of our control anyway. My life is so draining right now. I wish I could just hit a giant pause button and slow everything down. That way I could rest and collect my thoughts and emotions. It would make a lot of things easier.

Anyway, I know that was super random, and I am sure none of you care about where I am, but I just thought I would pop in and say hi, someone loves you, don’t forget that. No matter how shitty life gets, we always have someone.

xoxo

When you find the one…

When you find the one, love them unconditionally.

When you find the one, do not ever let them go.

When you find the one, cherish them with all that you are.

When you find the one, tell them you love them.

When you find the one, don’t ever take them for granted.

When you find the one, you will know.

I found my one. My one person I know will spend the rest of my life with. The one that I will build a family with and love forever without fail. I have found the one that I am going to marry and have children with. I have found my one.

Lose your fear of the future because everything will work out, even if it doesn’t work out perfectly. We are all imperfect and broken people. We must know that there will be hills and valley’s in life. We have to remember to just keep swimming.

It is a wonderful thought, the future. No matter what it may be, the future holds so many things that we can’t even really begin to imagine. I love to think about the future but often times have to remember that I have a right now too. To live in this moment and to not have any reservations and worries about the future. Holy cow I am just so excited.

Anyway, when you find the one, you’ll know, so don’t ever let them go.

xoxo

Update

Hi there everyone! I feel as though this blog is so up and down all of the time but you know, I give zero cares. This post is just honestly because I am bored and I really miss talking to you all without actually talking to you, cha feel? Goodness I am in a weird weird mood. Anyway, I just got back from Thanksgiving break and am currently avoiding studying for finals, go me. I brought my boyfriend back to Colorado with me to meet my family, remember the one that I freaked out about in my last post. Well things aren’t normally like that, we just were in a little argument or something. Haha anyways, things are pretty much marvelous. When we were back in CO he told me he loved me, and let me tell you, I love him right back. You guys, I honestly think this is the person I am going to marry. I just don’t know how to describe what I feel about him. It is just crazy. Ugh, now I am infatuated and I don’t know what else to say. Alright that is all for now loves, sorry for my randomness!

xoxo

Wonderful or terrible

I am sitting in my english class right now, thinking to myself about how lucky I am. I look out the window to my right and I see a sunny day, with palm trees lining the streets and free flow of traffic, of life. This seems like a silly observation, like we see that kind of stuff every day. But if you really sit there and think about it, it is amazing to think that humans are smart enough to create cars, so that we can get from place to place and unfortunately be stuck in traffic. It is so fortunate for us that God put vegetation on this earth so that we can breathe as they photosynthesize. It is a beautiful thing that I am sitting upright, my spine holds my body up even if it is a little curved. There is breath coming out of my lungs and saliva being created in my mouth, tears can form in my eyes at the drop of the hat. These little things that we take for granted every day just woke me up and shook my heart. Why are we muddling through life and expecting all of these things to happen? I wake up every morning and expect my lungs to function like they did the day before. I expect the sun to rise and it to warm me up. I expect stupid things like my warm bed and running water when I brush my teeth. There are some people that are less fortunate than I and I wonder, do they expect things too? Do they expect to wake up every morning and not just survive but thrive? Or do they take the time to appreciate that they have been gifted with even the smallest of things. Makes you wonder about us. Why on earth, do we need to have the newest iPhone, or computer, or fancy food, or alcohol or whatever your guilty pleasure may be when they barely have anything.

It’s beautiful really. Their innocence. They don’t have to worry about petty things, worldly garbage. It is wonderful and terrible all at the same time.

Thank you

Hello friends. I feel like I am bipolar about this site and only write when something bad is going on. I love hearing peoples comments and replies to what I am saying, even if I just need to rant and freak out for a long time. Thank you all for your love and support. Honestly. It makes me so happy and embarrassed a lot of the time to look back on these posts to see how I was feeling at different parts of my life. I don’t really know where this post is going but I just really wanted to say thank you. Maybe it is time to start a new story, take Nicole on a new adventure. As my life is changing, Nicole’s is too. All I can say right now is thank you. Thank you for sticking with me at my lowest and my highest points. I love you beauties.

WHAT THE ACTUAL HELL

I hate the feeling of not being good enough. I hate the feeling of thinking that I am in a shitty relationship. I hate the feeling of the one who is being dumped on all the time and never like a princess. I don’t want to sound conceded but I really do think I deserve better sometimes. I know that I am not perfect by any means but I don’t think I deserve this shit.

Heres another thing though. I know I am not being treated poorly. Right now I am really vulnerable to feelings and sadness because of recent events but that doesn’t mean I should get the short end of the stick.

My head is spinning out of control right now, it is even hard for me to focus on these keys and this screen. I just think I need a timeout from life. A breather where I can sit and cry or pray or something and not be bothered by anything. I don’t know how I am supposed to be able to get that though. How am I supposed to get solitude and silence and time.

WHAT THE ACTUAL HELL.

What. The. Actual. Hell.

Tonight I am very full of emotions. I don’t know how this is going to come across, I just really need to spill everything I am feeling right now. Logan and I have been talking a lot lately and we have really become the best of friends again and honestly that makes my heart so astoundingly happy. But tonight he has chosen something that I don’t understand. He has decided to cut me out of his life completely. I honestly am so shocked at this point my brain might explode or something. Half of me wants to cry my eyes out until the sun comes up and half of me wants to punch a hole through the wall in my dorm room. But I am just in pure utter shock right now. I want to cry but nothing is coming out. I want to punch a hole but only my fingers are working right now. I can’t blink, I am staring at the screen in disbelief as I see these texts roll in and I just want to i don’t know. I can’t begin to understand this. I don’t want to understand this but I also want to ask you why. Why the hell are you doing this to me? Yes its your life and you get to choose but its my life too. It’s not fair. You can’t do this to me. You can’t toy with me like this. It all feels fake now and I don’t get it.